Seeing behind the smile...

Hello Gorgeous!

It has been a long while since I posted anything & now the "Just a Girl" blog is being revamped to be my "everything" blog. Everything from makeup to fashion to my planner obsession to just my random musings that I need to get out of my brain. This post is actually going to be a very emotional roller coaster of a post but it was spurred by the following article:

15 Things Anyone Who Loves a Woman With Anxiety Should Know by Emma Gray. {http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7089066?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063}

& then I went on Instagram & found this: 

It's like the universe is out to get me today after all of my anxiety attacks today. My life is becoming more & more hectic with the stress of our impending move, applying & transferring to another college, & the debt collectors calling me every day... Sometimes 10 times a day. Which, let me tell you, when you have anxiety, even ONE phone call saying you're behind on bills makes you go insane. 

I have been put on 0.7 mg of Buspar two times a day with 1mg of Klonopin as needed for about 6 months. That combo use to work beautifully & my anxiety & panic attacks were next to nonexistent. But lately, I think my body is getting use to the medication & it's pitching a temper tantrum in protest for medication that actually helps!

I have a service dog to help me cope but there are times that I can't/don't bring her with me (like when I go to work - I work at an animal shelter so she'd have to stay in her kennel;; or when I go grocery shopping or going to target etc). Now I know you're going to say, "Becca, she's a service dog, you can bring her to those places!" & you're right. However! Look at it this way. 

When you have anxiety anything & everything can be your trigger. Most anxiety sufferers turn the tiniest incident into the ginormous problem that it really isn't. & that's my problem. I can't stand people looking at me, staring at me, JUDGING me because I'm 26... I don't "look" sick (therefore I must not be sick in their eyes); I'm not physically disabled (even though half the time when I have an attack I feel disabled because I can't function). Feeling their eyes follow my every move (especially since my service dog is a pittie)... It makes me anxious & I freak out & there's nothing worse than breaking down in the middle of the aisle. 

I know I'm difficult to deal with & I thank everyone in my life who has stood by my & helped me get through my melting points.

& now that I'm putting emotions to pen, my anxiety is starting to rise & I can't finish where I needed to go with this post.