Turkey Hill Experience, PA | BELATED Vlog

Hello cuppiecakes!

This is a ridiculously delayed VLOG (I'm talking from JULY!) but I ended up having anxiety & panic attacks while at the Turkey Hill Experience in Pennsylvania due to the mass amount of crowds & lack of respect from all the children there (I'm talking about them ramming into me & my littles & getting in the middle of myself & the munchkins) so it took me a while to work up the courage to actually edit my footage.

So! Without delay, here are some cutesy photos from our trip & the vlog!

Meet Mira Bella & my Story.

Hello my beautiful cupcakes! 

It has taken me quite a long time to get up the courage to actually write this post. This post isn't going to be quite so light hearted like the usual posts on the blog but, hey! This is the Secret Life of a Navy Wife, right? It's time to delve deep into the secret society of the spoonies. 

So, what exactly is a "Spoonie"? 

 This is the definition from urbandictionary.com (picture via Google). I also found this pretty accurate photo describing a day in the life of a Spoonie (also via Google)

I am a Spoonie. My life is exactly as the picture above describes... I live by my spoons. Some days are better than others, some days are worse than others. As of November 2014, I got some sort of answer as to why I was always in pain: I was diagnosed with lupus & fibromyalgia. That's not including everything I was diagnosed with prior to this: ptsd, pcos (polycystic ovarian syndrome), endometriosis, bipolar-depression, chronic migraines, anemia, hypoglycemia, excoriation, & severe social anxiety. (Also not including being diagnosed with anorexia & bulimia when I was younger up until I was 20 when I got pregnant - I still was fighting all this crap but I fought through it for the sake of my unborn child). Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago (22 May 2015) & I was also diagnosed with anklyosing spondylitis (or inflammatory back disease). Joy. 

So, who & or what is Mira Bella? 

This is Mira Bella. She is my service pup. She is an owner trained service baby who helps me deal with my social anxiety & ptsd. She alerts me if someone is coming up behind me so I don't panic &  performs certain tasks to help alleviate my anxiety, as well as keep me from self multulation due to skin picking (which heightens when I'm anxious or stressed)

The main task she performs is called Depp Pressure Therapy or DPT. essentially she either lays on me or presses her body against mine to provide a security measure to me. The pressure of her body against mine releases a chemical messenger in my brain that tells the rest of my body that I'm ok & I'm protected. 

 She also does "blocking" which is exactly as it sounds: she puts herself between me & people as a shield. This creates a barrier & prevents people from getting too close to me. 

As you can tell from the above pictures, I have all these bruises on me that don't go away very easily. All these bruises & markings are from my skin picking (excoriation). This is what happens when I don't have Bella there to stop me from  destroying my skin. Now I know you may ask: why don't you just not do it. That's easier said than done. My skin picking is caused by extreme stress & anxiety. It can't be helped. Bella distracts me when I start picking by nudging my hands or barking at me. 

She really is a life saver. 

She has her own instagram that if you would love to see her travels as a service dog, follow her at @MiraBella.pittieSD

Seeing behind the smile...

Hello Gorgeous!

It has been a long while since I posted anything & now the "Just a Girl" blog is being revamped to be my "everything" blog. Everything from makeup to fashion to my planner obsession to just my random musings that I need to get out of my brain. This post is actually going to be a very emotional roller coaster of a post but it was spurred by the following article:

15 Things Anyone Who Loves a Woman With Anxiety Should Know by Emma Gray. {http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7089066?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063}

& then I went on Instagram & found this: 

It's like the universe is out to get me today after all of my anxiety attacks today. My life is becoming more & more hectic with the stress of our impending move, applying & transferring to another college, & the debt collectors calling me every day... Sometimes 10 times a day. Which, let me tell you, when you have anxiety, even ONE phone call saying you're behind on bills makes you go insane. 

I have been put on 0.7 mg of Buspar two times a day with 1mg of Klonopin as needed for about 6 months. That combo use to work beautifully & my anxiety & panic attacks were next to nonexistent. But lately, I think my body is getting use to the medication & it's pitching a temper tantrum in protest for medication that actually helps!

I have a service dog to help me cope but there are times that I can't/don't bring her with me (like when I go to work - I work at an animal shelter so she'd have to stay in her kennel;; or when I go grocery shopping or going to target etc). Now I know you're going to say, "Becca, she's a service dog, you can bring her to those places!" & you're right. However! Look at it this way. 

When you have anxiety anything & everything can be your trigger. Most anxiety sufferers turn the tiniest incident into the ginormous problem that it really isn't. & that's my problem. I can't stand people looking at me, staring at me, JUDGING me because I'm 26... I don't "look" sick (therefore I must not be sick in their eyes); I'm not physically disabled (even though half the time when I have an attack I feel disabled because I can't function). Feeling their eyes follow my every move (especially since my service dog is a pittie)... It makes me anxious & I freak out & there's nothing worse than breaking down in the middle of the aisle. 

I know I'm difficult to deal with & I thank everyone in my life who has stood by my & helped me get through my melting points.

& now that I'm putting emotions to pen, my anxiety is starting to rise & I can't finish where I needed to go with this post.